21 Creative Phrases to Stop HR Brian from Talking About Fly Fishing... Again

Come on Brian. Read the room.

Photo by Evan Wise on Unsplash

We all have a Brian. He might be from HR or accounting, but he’s right in front of you talking about his hobby like you care.

Women are tragically born with an I’m listening face. And while we may be standing there nodding along, we are trying to find a clever way to get out of Brian’s conversation on magic paraphernalia, gaming gear, or, god forbid, fly fishing.

Think no further, tortured souls. Pick one of these handy conversation stoppers and you’ll be back at your desk browsing YouTube in no time.

1. Did I tell you about my vaginal discharge?

2. Can I show you the last forty pictures of my baby?

3. Start singing. Anything will work but Whip It would be a solid choice because it allows for inappropriate actions that could be construed as fly fishing techniques.

4. Women are typically better at fly fishing due to their ability to stay quiet longer.

5. Did you just look at my boobs?

6. What’s that about your strong stream?

7. You’re fired!

8. Why are you fishing for flies instead of fish?

9. I’m a vegan and you’re a monster, Brian.

10. Jessica said you peed in your hip-waders. Is that true?

11. I hear human flesh is great bait.

12. Are you coming to my mother’s funeral?

13. That explains it — then walk away.

14. I don’t fucking care!

15. Your hobby sounds fascinating. Now, I can tell you about my porcelain figurine collection. Do you have 45 minutes to cover the cherubs?

16. Wait. Were you talking to me?

17. Brian, I believe you are in violation of the employee code. Can you look that up for me?

18. We make flanges. Does what you’re telling me relate at all to flange production? I’m finding it hard to care.

19. Are you still talking?

20. I DO NOT CONSENT! to talk of fly fishing. (Whisper that last part for the best results.)

21. Want to come hunting with me? We play a game of Dick Cheney for a warm-up and I think you’d be perfect? Brian? Are you listening? Come back here so we can make plans. Are you afraid of a woman with a gun?

Let that be a lesson to all the Brian’s in your office. Limit small talk to weather, your weekend plans that are not fly fishing, and traffic. The rest is just fodder for ridicule.

As my husband approaches retirement in 10 days, I anticipate many conversations about fishing, so I thought I’d resurrect this one that was originally on Doctor Funny on Medium. Hope you learned something :-)